LETTER XXXIII.
Miss Clarissa Harlowe, To Miss Howe.
Tuesday Evening; and continued thro' the Night.
Well, my dear, I am alive, and here! But how long I shall be either here, or alive, I cannot say. I have a vast deal to write; and perhaps shall have little time for it. Nevertheless, I must tell you how the saucy Betty again discomposed me,
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when she came up with this Solmes's message; altho', as you will remember from my last, I was in a way before that wanted no additional surprizes.
Miss! Miss! Miss! cried she, as fast as she could speak, with her arms spread abroad, and all her fingers distended, and held up, will you be pleased to walk down into your own parlour?---There is every-body, I will assure you, in full congregation!---And there is Mr. Solmes, as fine as a Lord, with a charming white peruke, fine laced shirt and ruffles, coat trimmed with silver, and a waistcoat standing an end with lace!---Quite handsome, believe me!---You never saw such an alteration!---Ah! Miss, shaking her head, 'tis pity you have said so much against him!---But you know how to come off, for all that!---I hope it will not be too late!---
Impertinence! said I---Wert thou bid to come up in this fluttering away?---And I took up my fan, and fanned myself.
Bless me! said she, how soon these fine young Ladies will be put into flusterations!---I meant not either to offend or frighten you, I am sure.---
Every-body there, do you say?---Who do you call every-body?---
Why, Miss, holding out her left palm opened, and with a flourish, and a saucy leer, patting it with the fore-finger of the other, at every mentioned person, There is your Papa!---There is your Mamma!---There is your Uncle Harlowe!---There is your Uncle Antony!---Your Aunt Hervey!---My young Lady!---And my young Master ---And Mr. Solmes, with the air of a great Courtier, standing up, because he named you:---Mrs. Betty, said he [Then the ape of a wench bowed and scraped, as aukwardly as I suppose the person did whom she endeavoured to imitate] Pray give my humble service to Miss, and tell her, I wait her commands.
Was not this a wicked wench? I trembled so, I
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could hardly stand. I was spiteful enough to say, that her young mistress, I supposed, bid her put on these airs, to frighten me out of a capacity of behaving so calmly as should procure me my Uncles compassion.
What a way do you put yourself in, Miss, said the Insolent!---Come, dear Madam, taking up my fan, which I had laid down, and approaching me with it, fanning, shall I---
None of thy impertinence!---But say you, all my friends are below with him? And am I to appear before them all?
I can't tell if they'll stay when you come. I think they seemed to be moving when Mr. Solmes gave me his orders.---But what answer shall I carry to the 'Squire?
Say, I can't go!---But yet when 'tis over, 'tis over!---Say, I'll wait upon---I'll attend---I'll come presently---Say any-thing; I care not what---But give me my fan, and fetch me a glass of water---
She went, and I fanned myself all the time; for I was in a flame; and hemmed, and struggled with myself all I could; and, when she returned, drank my water; and finding no hope presently of a quieter heart, I sent her down, and followed her with precipitation; trembling so, that, had I not hurried, I question if I could have gone down at all.---O my dear, what a poor, passive machine is the body when the mind is disordered!
There are two doors to my parlour, as I used to call it. As I entered at one, my friends hurried out at the other. I saw just the gown of my Sister, the last who slid away. My Uncle Antony went out with them; but he staid not long, as you shall hear: And they all remained in the next parlour, a wainscot partition only parting the two. I remember them both in one: But they were separated in favour of us girls, for each to receive her visitors in at her pleasure.
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Mr. Solmes approached me as soon as I entered, cringing to the ground, a visible confusion in every feature of his face. After half a dozen choaked-up Madams,---He was very sorry---He was very much concerned---It was his misfortune---And there he stopped, being unable presently to complete a sentence.
This gave me a little more presence of mind. Cowardice in a foe begets courage in one's-self---I see that plainly now---Yet perhaps, at bottom, the new-made bravo is a greater coward than the other.
I turned from him, and seated myself in one of the fire-side chairs, fanning myself. I have since recollected, that I must have looked very saucily. Could I have had any thoughts of the man, I should have despised myself for it. But what can be said in the case of an aversion so perfectly sincere?
He hemmed five or six times, as I had done above; and these produced a sentence---That I could not but see his confusion. This sentence produced two or three more. I believe my Aunt had been his tutoress; For it was his awe, his reverence for so superlative a Lady [I assure you!]. And he hoped---he hoped--- three times he hoped, before he told me what---At last it came out, that I was too generous (Generosity, he said, was my character) to despise him for such--- for such---for such---true tokens of his Love.
I do indeed see you under some confusion, Sir; and this gives me hope, that altho' I have been compelled, as I may call it, to give way to this Interview, it may be attended with happier effects than I had apprehended from it.
He had hemmed himself into more courage.
You could not, Madam, imagine any creature so blind to your merits, and so little attracted by them, as easily to forego the interest and approbation he was honoured with by your worthy family, while he had any hope given him, that one day he might, by his perseverance and zeal, expect your favour.
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I am but too much aware, Sir, that it is upon the interest and approbation you mention, that you build such hope. It is impossible, otherwise, that a man, who has any regard for his own happiness, would persevere against such declarations as I have made, and think myself obliged to make, in justice to you, as well as to myself.
He had seen many instances, he told me, and had heard of more, where Ladies had seemed as averse, and yet had been induced, some by motives of compassion, others by persuasion of friends, to change their minds; and had been very happy afterwards: And he hoped this might be the case here.
I have no notion, Sir, of compliment, in an article of such importance as this: Yet am I sorry to be obliged to speak my mind so plainly, as I am going to do.---Know then, that I have invincible objections, Sir, to your address. I have avowed them with an earnestness that I believe is without example: And why?---Because I believe it is without example, that any young creature, circumstanced as I am, was ever treated as I have been treated on your account.
It is hoped, Madam, that your consent may in time be obtained---That is the hope; and I shall be a miserable man if it cannot.
Better, Sir, give me leave to say, you were miserable by yourself, than that you should make two so.
You may have heard, Madam, things to my disadvantage. No man is without enemies. Be pleased to let me know what you have heard, and I will either own my faults, and amend; or I will convince you, that I am basely bespattered: And once I understand you overheard something that I should say, that gave you offence: Unguardedly, perhaps; but nothing but what shewed my value, and that I would persist so long as I could have hope.
I have indeed heard many things to your disadvantage:---And I was far from being pleased with what I overheard fall from your lips: But as you were not
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any-thing to me, and never could be, it was not for me to be concerned about the one or the other.
I am sorry, Madam, to hear this. I am sure you should not tell me of any fault, that I would be unwilling to correct in myself.
Then, Sir, correct this fault---Do not wish to have a young creature compelled in the most material article of her life, for the sake of motives she despises; and in behalf of a person she cannot value: One that has, in her own right, sufficient to set her above all your offers, and a spirit that craves no more than what it has, to make itself easy and happy.
I don't see, Madam, how you would be happy, if I were to discontinue my address: For---
That is nothing to you, Sir, interrupted I: Do you but withdraw your pretensions: And if it be thought fit to start up another man for my punishment, the blame will not lie at your door. You will be entitled to my thanks; and most heartily will I thank you.
He paused, and seemed a little at a loss: And I was going to give him still stronger and more personal instances of my plain-dealing; when in came my Uncle Antony.
So, Niece, so!---Sitting in State like a Queen, giving Audience! haughty Audience!---Mr. Solmes, why stand you thus humbly?---Why this distance, man? I hope to see you upon a more intimate footing before we part.
I arose, as soon as he entered---and approached him with a bent knee: Let me, Sir, reverence my Uncle, whom I have not for so long time seen!---Let me, Sir, bespeak your favour and compassion.
You will have the favour of every-body, Niece, when you know how to deserve it.
If ever I deserved it, I deserve it now.---I have been hardly used---I have made proposals that ought to be accepted, and such as would not have been asked of me. What have I done, that I must be banished
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and confined thus disgracefully? That I must not be allowed to have any free-will in an article that concerns my present and future happiness?---
Miss Clary, replied my Uncle, you have had your will in every-thing till now; and this makes your Parents wills sit so heavy upon you.
My will, Sir! Be pleased to allow me to ask, What was my will till now, but my Father's will, and Yours and my Uncle Harlowe's will?---Has it not been my pride to obey and oblige?---I never asked a favour, that I did not first sit down and consider, if it were fit to be granted. And now, to shew my obedience, have I not offered to live Single? Have I not offered to divest myself of my Grandfather's bounty, and to cast myself upon my Father's; and that to be withdrawn, whenever I disoblige him? Why, dear good Sir, am I to be made unhappy in a point so concerning to my happiness?
Your Grandfather's Estate is not wished from you. You are not desired to live a Single Life. You know our motives, and we guess at yours. And, let me tell you, well as we love you, we would much sooner chuse to follow you to the grave, than that yours should take place.
I will engage never to marry any man, without my Father's consent, and Yours, Sir, and Everybody's. Did I ever give you cause to doubt my word?---And here I will take the solemnest Oath that can be offered me---
That is the matrimonial one, interrupted he, with a big voice---And to this gentleman.---It shall, it shall, Cousin Clary!---And the more you oppose it, the worse it shall be for you.
This, and before the man, who seemed to assume courage upon it, highly provoked me.
Then, Sir, you shall sooner follow me to the grave indeed.---I will undergo the cruellest death---I will even consent to enter into the awful vault of my ancestors,
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and to have that bricked up upon me, rather than consent to be miserable for life. And, Mr. Solmes, turning to him, take notice of what I say: This or any death, I will sooner undergo [That will quickly be over] than be yours, and for ever unhappy!
My Uncle was in a terrible rage upon this. He took Mr. Solmes by the hand, shocked as the man seemed to be, and drew him to the window---Don't be surprised, Mr. Solmes, don't be concerned at this. We know, and rapt out a sad oath, what women will say in their wrath: The wind is not more boisterous, nor more changeable; and again he swore to That.---If you think it worth your while to wait for such an ungrateful girl as This, I'll engage she'll veer about; I'll engage she shall. And a third time violently swore to it.
Then coming up to me (who had thrown myself, very much disordered by my vehemence, into the most distant window) as if he would have beat me; his face violently working, his hands clenched, and his teeth set---Yes, yes, yes, hissed the poor gentleman, you shall, you shall, you shall, Cousin Clary, be Mr. Solmes's wife; we will see that you shall; and this in one week at farthest.---And then a fourth time he confirmed it.---Poor gentleman! how he swore!
I am sorry, Sir, said I, to see you in such a passion. All This, I am but too sensible, is owing to my Brother's instigation; who would not himself give the instance of duty that is sought to be exacted from me. It is best for me to withdraw. I shall but provoke you farther, I fear: For altho' I would gladly obey you if I could, yet This is a point determined with me; and I cannot so much as wish to get it over.
How could I avoid making these strong declarations, the man in presence?
I was going out at the door I came in at; the gentlemen
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looking upon one another, as if referring to each other what to do, or whether to engage my stay, or suffer me to go; and whom should I meet at the door but my Brother, who had heard all that had passed!
He bolted upon me so unexpectedly, that I was surprised. He took my hand, and grasped it with violence: Return, pretty Miss, said he; return, if you please. You shall not yet be brickedup.---Your instigating Brother shall save you from That!---O thou fallen angel, said he, peering up to my downcast face---such a sweetness here!---and such an obstinacy there! tapping my neck---O thou true woman---tho' so young!---But you shall not have your Rake: Remember that; in a loud whisper, as if he would be decently indecent before the man. You shall be redeemed, and this worthy gentleman, raising his voice, will be so good as to redeem you from ruin---and hereafter you will bless him, or have reason to bless him, for his condescension; that was the brutal Brother's word!
He had led me up to meet Mr. Solmes, whose hand he took, as he held mine. Here, Sir, said he, take the rebel Daughter's hand: I give it you now: She shall confirm the gift in a week's time; or will have neither Father, Mother, nor Uncles, to boast of.
I snatched my hand away.
How now, Miss!---
And how now, Sir!---What right have You to dispose of my hand?---If you govern every-body else, you shall not govern me; especially in a point so immediately relative to myself, and in which you neither have, nor ever shall have, any-thing to do.
I would have broken from him; but he held my hand too fast.
Let me go, Sir!---Why am I thus treated?---You design, I doubt not, with your unmanly gripings, to hurt me, as you do: But again I ask, Wherefore is it that I am to be thus treated by You?
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He tossed my hand from him with a whirl, that pained my very shoulder. I wept, and held my other hand to the part.
Mr. Solmes blamed him. So did my Uncle.
He had no patience, he said, with such a perverse one; and to think of my reflections upon himself, before he entered. He had only given me back the hand I had not deserved he should touch. It was one of my arts to pretend to be pained.
Mr. Solmes said, He would sooner give up all his hopes of me, than that I should be used unkindly: And he offered to plead in my behalf to them both; and applied himself with a bow, as if for my approbation of his interposition.
Interpose not, Mr. Solmes, said I, to save me from my Brother's violence. I cannot wish to owe an obligation to a man whose ungenerous perseverance is the occasion of that violence, and of all my disgraceful sufferings.
How generous in you, Mr. Solmes, said my Brother, to interpose so kindly in behalf of such an immoveable spirit! I beg of you to persist in your address!---The unnatural Brother called it address!---For all our family's sake, and for her sake too, if you love her, persist!---Let us save her, if possible, from ruining herself. Look at her person! [And he gazed at me, from head to foot, pointing at me, as he referred to Mr. Solmes] Think of her fine qualities!---All the world confesses them, and we all gloried in her till now. She is worth saving; and, after two or three more struggles, she will be yours, and, take my word for it, will reward your patience. Talk not, therefore, of giving up your hopes, for a little whining folly. She has entered upon a parade, which she knows not how to quit with a female grace. You have only her pride and her obstinacy to encounter: And, depend upon it, you will be as happy a man in a fortnight, as a married man can be.
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You have heard me say, my dear, that my Brother has always taken a liberty to reflect upon our Sex, and upon Matrimony!---He would not, if he did not think it Wit to do so!---Just as poor Mr. Wyerley, and others, whom we both know, profane and ridicule Scripture; and all to evince their pretensions to the same pernicious talent, and to have it thought, that they are too wise to be religious.
Mr. Solmes, with a self-satisfied air, presumptuously said, He would suffer every-thing, to oblige my family, and to save me: And doubted not to be amply rewarded, could he be so happy as to succeed at last.
Mr. Solmes, said I, if you have any regard for your own happiness (Mine is out of the question with you: You have not generosity enough to make That any part of your scheme) prosecute no further your address, as my Brother calls it. It is but just to tell you, that I could not bring my heart so much as to think of you, without the utmost disapprobation, before I was used as I have been:---And can you think I am such a slave, such a poor slave, as to be brought to change my mind by the violent usage I have met with?
And you, Sir, turning to my Brother, if you think that meekness always indicates tameness; and that there is no magnanimity without bluster; own yourself mistaken for once: For you shall have reason to judge from henceforth, that a generous mind is not to be forced; and that---
No more, said the imperious wretch, I charge you, lifting up his hands and eyes. Then turning to my Uncle, Do you hear, Sir? This is your once faultless Niece! This is your favourite!
Mr. Solmes looked as if he knew not what to think of the matter; and had I been left alone with him, I saw plainly I could have got rid of him easily enough.
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My Uncle came to me, looking up also to my face, and down to my feet: And is it possible This can be you? All this violence from you, Miss Clary?
Yes, it is possible, Sir---And, I will presume to say, this vehemence on my side is but the natural consequence of the usage I have met with, and the rudeness I am treated with, even in your presence, by a Brother, who has no more right to controul me, than I have to controul him.
This usage, Cousin Clary, was not till all other means were tried with you.
Tried! to what end, Sir?---Do I contend for anything more than a mere negative? You may, Sir [turning to Mr. Solmes] possibly you may, be induced the rather to persevere thus ungenerously, as the usage I have met with for your sake, and what you have now seen offered to me by my Brother, will shew you what I can bear, were my evil destiny ever to make me yours.
Lord, Madam, cried Solmes [all this time distorted into twenty different attitudes, as my Brother and my Uncle were blessing themselves, and speaking only to each other by their eyes, and by their working features; Lord, Madam] what a construction is This!
A fair construction, Sir, interrupted I: For he that can see a person whom he pretends to value, thus treated, and approve of it, must be capable of treating her thus himself. And that you do approve of it, is evident by your declared perseverance, when you know I am confined, banished, and insulted, in order to make me consent to be what I never can be.---And this, let me tell you, as I have often told others, not from motives of obstinacy, but aversion.
Excuse me, Sir, turning to my Uncle---To you, as to my Father's Brother, I owe duty. I beg your pardon, that I cannot obey you: But as for my Brother; he is but my Brother; he shall not constrain
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me: And [turning to the unnatural wretch---I will call him wretch] knit your brows, Sir, and frown as you will, I will ask you, Would you, in my case, make the sacrifices I am willing to make, to obtain every one's favour? If not, what right have you to treat me thus; and to procure me to be treated as I have been for so long a time past?
I had put myself by this time into great disorder: They were silent, and seemed by their looks to want to talk to one another, walking about (in violent disorders too) between whiles. I sat down fanning myself (as it happened, against the glass) and I could perceive my colour go and come; and being sick to the very heart, and apprehensive of fainting, I rung.
Betty came in. I called for a glass of water, and drank it: But nobody minded me. I heard my Brother pronounce the words, Art! Female Art! to Solmes; which, together with the apprehension that he would not be welcome, I suppose kept him back. Else I could see the man was affected. And (still fearing I should faint) I arose, and taking hold of Betty's arm, Let me hold by you, Betty, said I: Let me withdraw. And moved with trembling feet towards the door, and then turned about, and made a courtesy to my Uncle---Permit me, Sir, said I, to withdraw.
Whither go you, Niece? said my Uncle: We have not done with you yet. I charge you depart not. Mr. Solmes has something to open to you, that will astonish you---And you shall hear it.
Only, Sir, by your leave, for a few minutes into the air. I will return, if you command it. I will hear all that I am to hear; that it may be over Now and for Ever---You will go with me, Betty?
And so, without any farther prohibition, I retired into the garden; and there, casting myself upon the first seat, and throwing Betty's apron over my face, leaning against her side, my hands between hers, I
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gave way to a violent burst of grief, or passion, or both; which, as it seemed, saved my heart from breaking; for I was sensible of an immediate relief.
I have already given you specimens of Mrs. Betty's impertinence. I shall not, therefore, trouble you with more: For the wench, notwithstanding this my distress, took great liberties with me, after she saw me a little recovered, and as I walked farther into the garden; insomuch that I was obliged to silence her by an absolute prohibition of saying another word to me; and then she dropped behind me sullen and gloomy.
It was near an hour before I was sent for in again. The messenger was my Cousin Dolly Hervey, who, with an eye of compassion and respect (for Miss Hervey always loved me, and calls herself my scholar, as you know) told me, my company was desired.
Betty left us.
Who commands my attendance, Miss? said I--- Have you not been in tears, my dear?
Who can forbear tears? said she.
Why, what is the matter, Cousin Dolly?---Sure, nobody is entitled to weep in this family, but me!
Yes, I am, Madam, said she, because I love you.
I kissed her: And is it for me, my sweet Cousin, that you shed tears?---There never was Love lost between us: But tell me, what is designed to be done with me, that I have this kind instance of your compassion for me?
You must take no notice of what I tell you, said the dear girl: But my Mamma has been weeping for you, too, with me; but durst not let any-body see it: O my Dolly, said my Mamma, there never was so set a malice in man as in your Cousin James Harlowe. They will ruin the flower and ornament of their family.
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As how, Miss Dolly?---Did she not explain herself?---As how, my dear?
Yes; she said, Mr. Solmes would have given up his claim to you; for he said, you hated him, and there were no hopes; and your Mamma was willing he should; and to have you taken at your word, to renounce Mr. Lovelace, and to live Single: My Mamma was for it too; for they heard all that passed between you and Uncle Antony, and Cousin James; saying, it was impossible to think of prevailing upon you to have Mr. Solmes. Uncle Harlowe seemed in the same way of thinking; at least, my Mamma says he did not say any-thing to the contrary. But your Papa was immoveable, and was angry at your Mamma and mine upon it: And hereupon your Brother, your Sister, and my Uncle Antony, joined in, and changed the scene entirely. In short, she says, that Mr. Solmes had great matters engaged to him. He owned, that you were the finest young Lady in England, and he would be content to be but little beloved, if he could not, after Marriage, engage your Heart, for the sake of having the honour to call you his but for one twelvemonth---I suppose he would break your heart in the next---For he is a cruel-hearted man, I am sure.
My friends may break my heart, Cousin Dolly; but Mr. Solmes will never have it in his power to break it.
I do not know that, Miss: You will have good luck to avoid having him, by what I can find; for my Mamma says, they are all now of one mind, herself excepted; and she is forced to be silent, your Papa and Brother are both so outrageous.
I am got above minding my Brother, Cousin Dolly: He is but Brother. But to my Father I owe duty and obedience, if I could comply.
We are apt to be fond of any-body that will side with us, when oppressed or provoked. I always
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loved my Cousin Dolly; but now she endeared herself to me ten times more, by her soothing concern for me. I asked what she would do, were she in my case?
Without hesitation she replied, Have Mr. Lovelace out-of-hand, and take up her own Estate, if she were me; and there would be an end of it---And Mr. Lovelace, she said, was a fine gentleman;---Mr. Solmes was not worthy to buckle his shoes.
Miss Hervey told me further, that her Mother was desired to come to me, to fetch me in; but she excused herself. I should have all my friends, she said, she believed, sit in judgment upon me.
I wish it had been so. But, as I have been told since, neither my Father nor my Mother would trust themselves with seeing me: The one it seems for passion-sake; my Mother, for tender considerations.
By this time we entered the house. Miss accompanied me into the parlour, and left me, as a person devoted, I then thought.
Nobody was there. I sat down, and had leisure to weep; reflecting upon what my Cousin Dolly had told me.
They were all in my Sister's parlour adjoining: For I heard a confused mixture of voices, some louder than others, which drowned the more compassionating accents.
Female accents I could distinguish the drowned ones to be. O my dear! what a hard-hearted Sex is the other! Children of the same parents, how came they by their cruelty? ---Do they get it by travel? Do they get it by conversation with one another?---Or how do they get it?---Yet my Sister, too, is as hard-hearted as any of them. But this may be no exception neither: For she has been thought to be masculine in her air, and in her spirit. She has then perhaps, a soul of the other Sex in a body of ours.---And so, for the honour of our own, will I judge
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of every woman for the future, who, imitating the rougher manners of men, acts unbeseeming the gentleness of her own Sex.
Forgive me, my dear friend, for breaking into my Story by these reflections. Were I rapidly to pursue my narration, without thinking, without reflecting, I believe I should hardly be able to keep in my right mind: Since vehemence and passion would then be always uppermost; but while I think as I write, I cool, and my hurry of spirits is allayed.
I believe I was above a quarter of an hour enjoying my own comfortless contemplations, before anybody came in to me; for they seemed to be in full debate. My Aunt looked in first; O my dear, said she, are you there? and withdrew hastily to apprise them of it.
And then (as agreed upon I suppose) in came my Uncle Antony, crediting Mr. Solmes with the words, Let me lead you in, my dear friend, having hold of his hand; while the new-made Beau aukwardly followed, but more edgingly, as I may say, setting his feet mincingly, to avoid treading upon his leader's heels. Excuse me, my dear, this seeming levity; but those we do not love, appear in every-thing ungraceful to us.
I stood up. My Uncle looked very surly.---Sit down!---sit down, girl, said he---And drawing a chair near me, he placed his dear friend in it, whether he would or not, I having taken my seat. And my Uncle sat on the other side of me.
Well, Niece, taking my hand, we shall have very little more to say to you than we have already said, as to the subject that is so distasteful to you---Unless, indeed, you have better considered of the matter---And first, let me know if you have?
The matter wants no consideration, Sir.
Very well, very well, Madam! said my Uncle, withdrawing his hands from mine: Could I ever have thought of this from you?
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For God's sake, dearest Madam, said Mr. Solmes, folding his hands---And there he stopped.
For God's sake, what, Sir?---How came God's sake, and your sake, I pray you, to be the same?
This silenced him. My Uncle could only be angry; and that he was before.
Well, well, well, Mr. Solmes, said my Uncle, no more of supplication. You have not confidence enough to expect a woman's favour.
He then was pleased to hint what great things he had designed to do for me; and that it was more for my sake, after he returned from the Indies, than for the sake of any other of the family, that he had resolved to live a Single Life.---But now, concluded he, that the perverse girl despises all the great things it was once as much in my will, as it is in my power, to do for her, I will change my measures.
I told him, that I most sincerely thanked him for all his kind intentions to me: But that I was willing to resign all claim to any other of his favours than kind looks, and kind words.
He looked about him this way and that.
Mr. Solmes looked pitifully down.
But both being silent, I was sorry, I added, that I had too much reason to say a very harsh thing, as it might be thought; which was, That if he would but be pleased to convince my Brother and Sister, that he was absolutely determined to alter his generous purposes towards me, it might possibly procure me better treatment from both, than I was otherwise likely to have.
My Uncle was very much displeased. But he had not the opportunity to express his displeasure, as he seemed preparing to do; for in came my Brother in exceeding great wrath; and called me several vile names. His success hitherto, in his devices against me, had set him above keeping even decent measures.
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Was This my spiteful construction? he asked---Was This the interpretation I put upon his brotherly care of me, and concern for me, in order to prevent my ruining myself?
It is, indeed it is, said I: I know no other way to account for your late behaviour to me: And before your face, I repeat my request to my Uncle, and I will make it to my other Uncle whenever I am permitted to see him, that they will confer all their favours upon You, and upon my Sister; and only make me happy (It is all I wish for!---) in their kind looks, and kind words.
How they all gazed upon one another!---But could I be less peremptory before the man?
And, as to your care and concern for me, Sir, turning to my Brother; once more I desire it not. You are but my Brother. My Father and Mother, I bless God, are both living; and, were they not, you have given me abundant reason to say, that you are the very last person I would wish to have any concern for me.
How, Niece! And is a Brother, an only Brother, of so little consideration with you, as this comes to? And ought he to have no concern for his Sister's honour, and the Family's honour?
My honour, Sir!---I desire none of his concern for That! It never was endangered till it had his undesired concern!---Forgive me, Sir---But when my Brother knows how to act like a Brother, or behave like a Gentleman, he may deserve more consideration from me than it is possible for me now to think he does.
I thought my Brother would have beat me upon this: But my Uncle stood between us.
Violent girl, however he called me---Who, said he, would have thought it of her?
Then was Mr. Solmes told, that I was unworthy of his pursuit.
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But Mr. Solmes warmly took my part: He could not bear, he said, that I should be treated so roughly.
And so very much did he exert himself on this occasion, and so patiently was his warmth received by my Brother, that I began to suspect, that it was a contrivance to make me think myself obliged to him; and that this might perhaps be one end of the pressed-for Interview.
The very suspicion of this low artifice, violent as I was thought to be before, put me still more out of patience; and my Uncle and my Brother again praising his wonderful generosity, and his noble return of good for evil, You are a happy man, Mr. Solmes, said I, that you can so easily confer obligations upon a whole family, except upon one ingrateful person of it, whom you seem to intend most to oblige; but who being made unhappy by your favour, desires not to owe to you any protection from the violence of a Brother.
Then was I a rude, an ingrateful, an unworthy creature.
I own it all---All, all you can call me, or think me, Brother, do I own. I own my unworthiness with regard to This gentleman. I take your word for his abundant merit, which I have neither leisure nor inclination to examine into---It may perhaps be as great as your own---But yet I cannot thank him for his mediation: For who sees not, looking at my Uncle, that this is giving himself a merit with everybody at my expence?
Then turning to my Brother, who seemed surprised into silence by my warmth, I must also acknowlege, Sir, the favour of your superabundant care for me. But I discharge you of it; at least, while I have the happiness of nearer and dearer relations. You have given me no reason to think better of your prudence, than of my own. I am independent of You, Sir; tho' I never desire to be so of my Father: And altho'
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I wish for the good opinion of my Uncles, it is All I wish for from them: And This, Sir, I repeat, to make You and my Sister easy.
Instantly almost came in Betty, in a great hurry, looking at me as spitefully, as if she were my Sister: Sir, said she to my Brother, my master desires to speak with you this moment at the door.
He went to that which led into my Sister's parlour; and this sentence I heard thundered from the mouth of one who had a right to all my reverence: Son James, let the Rebel be this moment carried away to my Brother's---This very moment---She shall not stay one hour more under my roof!
I trembled; I was ready to sink. Yet, not knowing what I did, or said, I flew to the door, and would have opened it: But my Brother pulled it to, and held it close by the key---O my Papa!---my dear Papa! said I, falling upon my knees, at the door--- admit your Child to your presence!---Let me but plead my cause at your feet!---O reprobate not thus your distressed Daughter!
My Uncle put his handkerchief to his eyes: Mr. Solmes made a still more grievous face than he had before. But my Brother's marble heart was untouched.
I will not stir from my knees, continued I, without admission.---At this door I beg it!---O let it be the door of mercy! and open it to me, honoured Sir, I beseech you!---But this once, this once! altho' you were afterwards to shut it against me for ever!
The door was endeavoured to be opened on the inside, which made my Brother let go the key on a sudden; and I pressing against it (all the time remaining on my knees) fell flat on my face into the other parlour; however without hurting myself. But every-body was gone, except Betty, who I suppose was the person that endeavoured to open the door. She helped to raise me up; and when I was on my
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feet, I looked round that apartment, and seeing nobody there, re-entered the other, leaning upon her; and then threw myself into the chair which I had sat in before; and my eyes overflowed, to my great relief: While my Uncle Antony, my Brother, and Mr. Solmes, left me, and went to my other relations.
What passed among them, I know not: But my Brother came in by the time I had tolerably recovered myself, with a settled and haughty gloom upon his brow---Your Father and Mother command you instantly to prepare for your Uncle Antony's. You need not be solicitous about what you shall take with you. You may give Betty your keys---Take them, Betty, if the perverse-one has them about her, and carry them to her Mother. She will take care to send every-thing after you that you shall want---But another night you will not be permitted to stay in this house.
I don't chuse to give my keys to any-body, except to my Mother, and into her own hands. You see how much I am disordered. It may cost me my life, to be hurried away so suddenly. I beg to be indulged till next Monday at least.
That will not be granted you. So prepare for this very night. And give up your keys. Give them to me, Miss. I'll carry them to your Mother.
Excuse me, Brother. Indeed I won't.
Indeed you must. Have you any-thing you are afraid should be seen by your Mother?
Not, if I be permitted to attend her.
I'll make a report accordingly.
He went out.
In came Miss Dolly Hervey: I am sorry, Madam, to be the messenger---But your Mamma insists upon your sending up all the keys of your cabinet, library, and drawers.
Tell my Mother, that I yield them up to her commands: Tell her, I make no conditions with my
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Mother: But if she find nothing she shall disapprove of, I beg that she will permit me to tarry here a few days longer.---Try, my Dolly [the dear girl sobbing with grief]; Try, if your gentleness cannot prevail for me.
She wept still more, and said, It is sad, very sad, to see matters thus carried!
She took the keys, and wrapped her arms about me; and begged me to excuse her for her message; and would have said more; but Betty's presence awed her, as I saw.
Don't pity me, my dear, said I. It will be imputed to you as a fault. You see who is by.
The insolent wench scornfully smiled: One young Lady pitying another in things of this nature, looks promising in the youngest, I must needs say.
I bid her begone from my presence.
She would most gladly go, she said, were she not to stay about me by my Mother's order.
It soon appeared for what she staid; for I offering to go up stairs to my apartment when my Cousin went from me with the keys, she told me she was commanded (to her very great regret, she must own) to desire me not to go up at present.
Such a bold-face, as she, I told her, should not hinder me.
She instantly rang the bell, and in came my Brother, meeting me at the door.
Return, return, Miss---No going up yet.
I went in again, and throwing myself upon the window-seat, wept bitterly.
Shall I give you the particulars of a ridiculously spiteful conversation that passed between my Brother and me, in the time that he (with Betty) was in office to keep me in the parlour while my closet was searching?---But I think I will not. It can answer no good end.
I desired several times, while he stayed, to have
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leave to retire to my apartment; but was denied. The search, I suppose, was not over.
Bella was one of those employed in it. They could not have a more diligent searcher. How happy it was they were disappointed!
But when my Sister could not find the cunning creature's papers, I was to stand another visit from Mr. Solmes---preceded now by my Aunt Hervey, sorely against her will, I could see that; accompanied by my Uncle Antony, in order to keep her steady, I suppose.
But being a little heavy (for it is now past Two in the morning) I will lie down in my cloaths, to indulge the kind summons, if it will be indulged.
Three o'Clock, Wednesday Morning.
I could not sleep---Only dozed away one half-hour.
My Aunt Hervey accosted me thus---O my dear child, what troubles do you give to your parents, and to every-body!---I wonder at you!
I am sorry for it, Madam.
Sorry for it, child!---Why then so very obstinate?---Come, sit down, my dear. I will sit next you; taking my hand.
My Uncle placed Mr. Solmes on the other side of me: Himself over-against me, almost close to me. Was I not finely beset, my dear?
Your Brother, child, said my Aunt, is too passionate---His zeal for your welfare pushes him on a little too vehemently.
Very true, said my Uncle: But no more of This. We would now be glad to see if milder means will do with you---Tho', indeed, they were tried before.
I asked my Aunt, If it were necessary, that That gentleman should be present?
There is a reason that he should, said my Aunt, as you will hear by-and-by. But I must tell you, first,
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that, thinking you was a little too angrily treated by your Brother, your Mother desired me to try what gentler means would do upon a spirit so generous as we used to think yours.
Nothing can be done, Madam, I must presume to say, if This gentleman's address be the end.
She looked upon my Uncle, who bit his lip; and looked upon Mr. Solmes, who rubbed his cheek; and shaking her head, Good, dear creature, said she, be calm. Let me ask you, If something would have been done, had you been more gently used, than you seem to think you have been?
No, Madam, I cannot say it would, in this gentleman's favour. You know, Madam, you know, Sir, to my Uncle, I ever valued myself upon my sincerity: And once indeed had the happiness to be valued for it.
My Uncle took Mr. Solmes aside. I heard him say, whisperingly, She must, she shall, still be yours.---We'll see, who'll conquer, Parents, or Child, Uncles, or Niece. I doubt not to be witness to all this being got over, and many a good-humoured jest made of this high phrensy!
I was heartily vexed.
Tho' we cannot find out, continued he, yet we guess, who puts her upon this obstinate behaviour. It is not natural to her, man. Nor would I concern myself so much about her, but that I know what I say to be true, and intend to do great things for her.
I will hourly pray for that happy time, whispered as audibly Mr. Solmes. I never will revive the remembrance of what is now so painful to me.
Well, but, Niece, I am to tell you, said my Aunt, that the sending up your keys, without making any conditions, has wrought for you what nothing else could have done. That, and the not finding anything that could give them umbrage, together with Mr. Solmes's interposition---
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O Madam, let me not owe an obligation to Mr. Solmes. I cannot repay it, except by my thanks; and those only on condition that he will decline his suit. To my thanks, Sir [turning to him] if you have a heart capable of humanity, if you have any esteem for me for my own sake, I beseech you to entitle yourself!---I beseech you, do!---
O Madam, cried he, believe, believe, believe me, it is impossible. While you are single, I will hope. While that hope is encouraged by so many worthy friends, I must persevere. I must not slight them, Madam, because you slight me.
I answered him only with a look; but it was of high disdain; and turning from him---But what favour, dear Madam [to my Aunt] has the instance of duty you mention procured me?
Your Mother and Mr. Solmes, replied my Aunt, have prevailed, that your request to stay here till Monday next shall be granted, if you will promise to go chearfully then.
Let me but chuse my own visitors, and I will go to my Uncle's house with pleasure.
Well, Niece, said my Aunt, we must wave this subject, I find. We will now proceed to another, which will require your utmost attention. It will give you the reason why Mr. Solmes's presence is requisite---
Ay, said my Uncle, and shew you what sort of a man somebody is. Mr. Solmes, pray favour us, in the first place, with the Letter you received from your anonymous friend.
I will, Sir. And out he pulled a Letter-case, and, taking out a Letter, It is written in answer to one sent to the person. It is superscribed, To Roger Solmes, Esq; It begins thus: HonouredSir---
I beg your pardon, Sir, said I: But what, pray, is the intent of reading this Letter to me?
To let you know what a vile man you are thought
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to have set your heart upon, said my Uncle, in an audible whisper.
If, Sir, it be suspected, that I have set my heart upon any other, why is Mr. Solmes to give himself any farther trouble about me?
Only hear, Niece, said my Aunt; Only hear what Mr. Solmes has to read and to say to you on this head.
If, Madam, Mr. Solmes will be pleased to declare, that he has no view to serve, no end to promote, for himself, I will hear any-thing he shall read. But if the contrary, you must allow me to say, That it will abate with me a great deal of the weight of whatever he shall produce.
Hear it but read, Niece, said my Aunt.---
Hear it read, said my Uncle. You are so ready to take part with---
With any-body, Sir, that is accused anonymously, and from interested motives.
He began to read; and there seemed to be a heavy load of charges in this Letter against the poor criminal: But I stopped the reading of it, and said, It will not be my fault, if this vilified man be not as indifferent to me, as one whom I never saw. If he be otherwise at present, which I neither own, nor deny, it proceeds from the strange methods taken to prevent it. Do not let one cause unite him and me, and we shall not be united. If my offer to live Single be accepted, he shall be no more to me than this gentleman.
Still---Proceed, Mr. Solmes---Hear it out, Niece, was my Uncle's cry.
But to what purpose, Sir? said I---Has not Mr. Solmes a view in this? And, besides, can any-thing worse be said of Mr. Lovelace, than I have heard said for several months past?
But this, said my Uncle, and what Mr. Solmes can tell you besides, amounts to the fullest proof---
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Was the unhappy man, then, so freely treated in his character before, without full proof? I beseech you, Sir, give me not too good an opinion of Mr. Lovelace; as I may have, if such pains be taken to make him guilty, by one who means not his reformation by it; nor to do good, if I may presume to say so in this case, to any-body but himself.
I see very plainly, girl, said my Uncle, your prepossession, your fond prepossession, for the person of a man without morals.
Indeed, my dear, said my Aunt, you too much justify all our apprehensions. Surprising! that a young creature of virtue and honour should thus esteem a man of a quite opposite character!
Dear Madam, do not conclude against me too hastily. I believe Mr. Lovelace is far from being so good as he ought to be: But if every man's private life were searched into by prejudicedpeople, set on for that purpose, I know not whose reputation would be safe. I love a virtuous character, as much in man, as in woman. I think it as requisite, and as meritorious, in the one as in the other. And, if left to myself, I would prefer a person of such a character to Royalty without it.
Why then, said my Uncle---
Give me leave, Sir---But I may venture to say, that many of those who have escaped censure, have not merited applause.
Permit me to observe further, That Mr. Solmes himself may not be absolutely faultless. I never heard of his virtues. Some vices I have heard of---Excuse me, Mr. Solmes, I speak to your face---The text about casting the first stone affords an excellent lesson.
He looked down; but was silent.
Mr. Lovelace may have vices you have not. You may have others, which he has not.---I speak not this to defend him, or to accuse you. No man is bad, no one is good, in every-thing. Mr. Lovelace,
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for example, is said to be implacable, and to hate my friends: That does not make me value him the more: But give me leave to say, That they hate him as much. Mr. Solmes has his antipathies, likewise; very strong ones, and those to his own relations; which I don't find to be the other's fault; for he lives well with his---Yet he may have as bad:---Worse, pardon me, he cannot have, in my poor opinion: For what must be the man, who hates his own flesh?
You know not, Madam;
You know not, Niece; All in one breath. [Figure: 2Kb]
You know not, Clary;
I may not, nor do I desire to know Mr. Solmes's reasons. It concerns not me to know them: But the world, even the impartial part of it, accuses him. If the world is unjust, or rash, in one man's case, why may it not be so in another's? That's all I mean by it. Nor can there be a greater sign of want of merit, than where a man seeks to pull down another's character, in order to build up his own.
The poor man's face was all this time overspread with confusion, twisted, as it were, and all awry, neither mouth nor nose standing in the middle of it. He looked as if he were ready to cry: And had he been capable of pitying me, I had certainly tried to pity him.
They all three gazed upon one another in silence.
My Aunt, I saw (at least I thought so) looked as if she would have been glad she might have appeared to approve of what I said. She but feebly blamed me, when she spoke, for not hearing what Mr. Solmes had to say. He himself seemed not now very earnest to be heard. My Uncle said, There was no talking to me. And I should have absolutely silenced both gentlemen, had not my Brother come in again to their assistance.
This was the strange speech he made at his entrance, his eyes flaming with anger; This prating
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girl has struck you all dumb, I perceive. Persevere, however, Mr. Solmes. I have heard every word she has said: And I know no other method of being even with her, than, after she is yours, to make her as sensible of your power, as she now makes you of her insolence.
Fie, Cousin Harlowe! said my Aunt---Could I have thought a Brother would have said this to a gentleman, of a Sister?
I must tell you, Madam, said he, that you give the rebel courage. You yourself seem to favour too much the arrogance of her Sex in her; otherwise she durst not have thus stopped her Uncle's mouth by reflections upon him; as well as denied to hear a gentleman tell her the danger she is in from a Libertine, whose protection, as she has plainly hinted, she intends to claim against her family.
Stopped my Uncle's mouth, by reflections upon him, Sir! said I, How can that be! How dare you to make such an application at This!
My Aunt wept at his reflection upon her.---Cousin, said she to him, If This be the thanks I have for my trouble, I have done: Your Father would not treat me thus---And I will say, that the hint you gave was an unbrotherly one.
Not more unbrotherly than all the rest of his conduct to me, of late, Madam, said I. I see by this specimen of his violence, how every-body has been brought into his measures. Had I any the least apprehension of ever being in Mr. Solmes's power, this might have affected me. But you see, Sir, to Mr. Solmes, what a conduct is thought necessary to enable you to arrive at your ungenerous end. You see how my Brother courts for you!
I disclaim Mr. Harlowe's violence, Madam, with all my soul. I will never remind you---
Silence, worthy Sir! said I; I will take care you never shall have the opportunity.
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Less violence, Clary, said my Uncle. Cousin James, you are as much to blame as your Sister.
In then came my Sister. Brother, said she, you kept not your promise. You are thought to be to blame within, as well as here. Were not Mr. Solmes's generosity and affection to the girl well known, what you have said would be inexcusable. My Father desires to speak with you; and with you, Aunt; and with you, Uncle; and with you, Mr. Solmes, if you please.
They all four withdrew into the next apartment.
I stood silent, as not knowing presently how to take this intervention of my Sister's. But she left me not long at a loss---O thou perverse thing, said she [poking out her angry face at me, when they were all gone, but speaking spitefully low]---What troubles do you give to us all!
You and my Brother, Bella, said I, give trouble to yourselves; yet neither you nor he have any business to concern yourselves about me.
She threw out some spiteful expressions, still in a low voice, as if she chose not to be heard without; and I thought it be best to oblige her to raise her tone a little, if I could. If I could, did I say? It is easy to make a passionate spirit answer all one's views upon it.
She accordingly flamed out in a raised tone: And this brought my Cousin Dolly in to us. Miss Harlowe, your company is desired.
I will come presently, Cousin Dolly.
But again provoking a severity from me which she could not bear, and calling me names; in once more came Dolly, with another message, that her company was desired.
Not mine, I doubt, Miss Dolly, said I.
The sweet-tempered girl burst out into tears, and shook her head.
Go in before me, child, said Bella [vexed to see
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her concern for me] with thy sharp face like a new moon: What dost thou cry for? Is it to make thy keen face look still keener?
I believe Bella was blamed, too, when she went in; for I heard her say, The creature was so provoking, there was no keeping a resolution.
Mr. Solmes, after a little while, came in again by himself, to take leave of me: Full of scrapes and compliments; but too well tutored and encouraged, to give me hope of his declining his suit. He begged me not to impute to him any of the severe things to which he had been a sorrowful witness. He besought my compassion, as he called it.
He said, the result was, That he had still hopes given him; and, altho' discouraged by me, he was resolved to persevere, while I remained single.---And such long and such painful services he talked of, as never before were heard of.
I told him, in the strongest manner, what he had to trust to.
Yet still he determined to persist.---While I was no man's else, he must hope.
What! said I, will you still persist, when I declare, as I now do, that my affections are engaged?---And let my Brother make the most of it.
He knew my principles, and adored me for them. He doubted not, that it was in his power to make me happy: And he was sure I would not want the will to be so.
I assured him, that, were I to be carried to my Uncles, it should answer no end; for I would never see him; nor receive a line from him; nor hear a word in his favour, whoever were the person who should mention him to me.
He was sorry for it. He must be miserable, were I to hold in that mind. But he doubted not, that I might be induced by my Father and Uncles to change it---
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Never, never, he might depend upon it.
It was richly worth his patience, and the trial.
At my expence?---At the price of all my happiness, Sir?
He hoped I should be induced to think otherwise.
And then would he have run into his fortune, his settlements, his affection---Vowing, that never man loved a woman with so sincere a passion, as he loved me.
I stopped him, as to the first part of his speech: And to the second, of the sincerity of his passion, What then, Sir, said I, is your Love to one, who must assure you, that never young creature looked upon man with a more sincere disapprobation, than I look upon you? And tell me, What argument can you urge, that this true declaration answers not beforehand?
Dearest Madam, what can I say?---On my knees I beg---
And down the ungraceful wretch dropped on his knees.
Let me not kneel in vain, Madam: Let me not be thus despised.---And he looked most odiously sorrowful.
I have kneeled too, Mr. Solmes: Often have I kneeled: And I will kneel again---Even to you, Sir, will I kneel, if there be so much merit in kneeling; provided you will not be the implement of my cruel Brother's undeserved persecution.
If all the services, even to worship you, during my whole life---You, Madam, invoke and expect mercy; yet shew none---
Am I to be cruel to myself, to shew mercy to you? Take my Estate, Sir, with all my heart, since you are such a favourite in this house!---Only leave my myself---The mercy you ask for, do you shew to others.
If you mean to my relations, Madam---unworthy as they are, all shall be done that you shall prescribe.
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Who, I, Sir, to find you bowels you naturally have not? I to purchase their happiness by the forfeiture of my own? What I ask you for, is mercy to myself: That, since you seem to have some power over my relations, you will use it in my behalf. Tell them, that you see I cannot conquer my aversion to you: Tell them, if you are a wise man, that you too much value your own happiness, to risque it against such a determined antipathy: Tell them, that I am unworthy of your offers: And that, in mercy to yourself, as well as to me, you will not prosecute a suit so impossible to be granted.
I will risque all consequences, said the fell wretch, rising, with a countenance whitened over, as if with malice, his hollow eyes flashing fire, and biting his under-lip, to shew he could be manly. Your hatred, Madam, shall be no objection with me: And I doubt not in a few days to have it in my power to shew you---
You have it in your power, Sir---
He came well off---To shew you more generosity, than, noble as you are said to be to others, you shew to me.
The man's face became his anger: It seems formed to express the passion.
At that instant, again came in my Brother---Sister, Sister, Sister, said he, with his teeth set, act on the termagant part you have so newly assumed---Most wonderfully well does it become you. It is but a short one, however. Tyranness in your turn, accuse others of your own guilt---But leave her, leave her, Mr. Solmes: Her time in short. You'll find her humble and mortified enough very quickly---Then, how like a little tame fool will she look, with her conscience upbraiding her, and begging of you [with a whining voice, the barbarous Brother spoke] to forgive and forget!---
More he said, as he flew out, with a glowing
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face, upon Shorey's coming in to recall him on his violence.
I removed from chair to chair, excessively frighted and disturbed at this brutal treatment.
The man attempted to excuse himself, as being sorry for my Brother's passion.
Leave me, leave me, Sir, fanning---or I shall faint. And indeed I thought I should.
He recommended himself to my favour with an air of assurance; augmented, as I thought, by a distress so visible in me; for he even snatched my trembling, my struggling hand; and ravished it to his odious mouth.
I flung from him with high disdain: And he withdrew, bowing and cringing; self-gratified, and enjoying, as I thought, the confusion he saw me in.
The wretch is now, methinks, before me; and now I see him aukwardly striding backward, as he retired, till the edge of the opened door, which he ran against, remembred him to turn his welcome back upon me.
Upon his withdrawing, Betty brought me word, that I was permitted to go up to my own chamber: And was bid to consider of every-thing: For my time was short. Nevertheless, she believed I might be permitted to stay till Saturday.
She tells me, That altho' my Brother and Sister were blamed for being so hasty with me, yet when they made their report, and my Uncle Antony his, of my provocations, they were all more determined than ever in Mr. Solmes's favour.
The wretch himself, she tells me, pretends to be more in love with me than before; and to be rather delighted than discouraged with the conversation that passed between us. He ran on, she says, in raptures, about the grace wherewith I should dignify his board; and the like sort of stuff, either of his saying, or of her making.
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She closed all with a Now is your time, Miss, to submit with a grace, and to make your own terms with him:---Else, I can tell you, were I Mr. Solmes, it should be worse for you: And who, Miss, of our Sex, proceeded the saucy creature, would admire a rakish gentleman, when she might be admired by a sober one to the end of the chapter?
She made this further speech to me on quitting my chamber---You have had amazing good luck, Miss, I must tell you, to keep your writings concealed so cunningly. You must needs think I know that you are always at your pen: And as you endeavour to hide that knowlege from me, I do not think thyself obliged to keep your secret. But I love not to aggravate. I had rather reconcile by much. Peace-making is my talent, and ever was. And had I been as much your foe, as you imagine, you had not perhaps been here now. But this, however, I do not say to make a merit with you, Miss: For, truly, it will be the better for you the sooner every-thing is over with you. And better for me, and for every-one else; that's certain. Yet one hint I must conclude with; that your pen and ink (soon as you are to go away) will not be long in your power, I do assure you, Miss. And then, having lost that amusement, it will be seen, how a mind so active as yours will be able to employ itself.
This hint alarms me so much, that I shall instantly begin to conceal, in different places, pens, ink, and paper; and to deposit some in the Ivy Summer-house, if I can find a safe place there; and, at the worst, I have got a pencil of black, and another of red lead, which I use in my drawings; and my patterns shall serve for paper, if I have no other.
How lucky it was, that I had got away my papers! They made a strict search for them; That I can see, by the disorderly manner they have left all things in: For you know that I am such an observer of method,
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that I can go to a bit of ribband, or lace, or edging, blindfold. The same in my books; which they have strangely disordered and mismatched; to look behind them, and in some of them, I suppose. My cloaths too are rumpled not a little. No place has escaped them. To your hint, I thank you, are they indebted for their disappointment.
The pen, thro' heaviness and fatigue, dropt out of my fingers, at the word indebted. I resumed it, to finish the sentence; and to tell you, that I am,
Your for ever obliged and affectionate
Cl. Harlowe.